Christmas Past

Christmas time evokes a lot of emotion in me. And when I'm pregnant, that emotion is doubled, maybe even tripled. My intention for this post was to honor Christmas Past and those who touched my heart in Christmases past. Those who are no longer here with me. The pictures I wanted to include would not upload.

Christmas time is a time for family. And as a small child, my fondest memories were of our whole extended family meeting at my grandma's house for Christmas. We would eat dinner, and then open presents one by one with everyone watching to see what the other got. It wasn't the endless amounts of presents that made this time special, it was the gathering together of everyone you loved. My grandma died 7 years ago, in December of 2001 less than 2 months after I lost my dad. Since then, Christmas has not been the same. We no longer meet as a family to celebrate the holidays. There are no more groups of people bickering about who is gonna win the football game, or whether Ford or Chevy is better. There is no more teenagers sneaking the wine and getting so drunk that no one will ever forget. There is no more togetherness. Because, since the passing of my grandma, no one has been able to keep this family together.

It is this Christmas and every Christmas that I look back so fondly at those times that my Grandma created for us kids. We had the best time ever. And now that it is gone, I would give anything to get it back.

I love you, Grandma! You did great things and I hope that one day I will be able to make the holidays as special for my family as you did for us all of those years.

Holidays are hard when you have lost those who you love. My dad especially was taken away abruptly and I never had the chance to say things. I feel that life is precious and each moment should be spent wisely. You never know when it's your last. I miss you Dad. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. And you too Grandpa. We still laugh at the silly things you said. Until we meet again..........I love you all! Merry Christmas!

You've got to be kidding???

Okay, so Wendy already knows, and who else really follows this blog...? So it's time to vent. You would think with two kids already, I would notice when I was "late" and investigate. Nope, not me. Finally a few days ago I began to think something wasn't quite right. I was pretty sure I was menopausal at 28. Hot flashes, mood swings like a mother, and the crying. NOPE, NOT MENOPAUSE. I don't know that I want to really say what it is that is but I'm pretty sure it is obvious now. Not by the way I am constantly hungry or already crying over ridiculous things. Or the way I've had to abruptly stop taking my antidepressant which makes me beyond unbearable. So I'm in shock. How did this happen. Wait, I think I know that answer.

On a more serious note, after worrying over money and where this new addition will sleep in this tiny matchbox house, I can only hope and pray that this miracle is just as perfect as my last two. This may however take some time to fully sink in and while I continue withdrawl from Zoloft, it's probably best if you stay far far away!